The 50 best terrible kids’ jokes

We have a silly sense of humour.  If you do too you might appreciate some of these assorted jokes and one-liners!  We’ve rooted around in our archives to unapologetically bring you the best, terrible jokes. They are all family friendly and will make you simultaneously laugh and groan.

Top 10 jokes from PartyWizz entertainers

Firstly, we asked 10 of our PartyWizz entertainers to give us their favourite, and these are their nominations…

1. Oisin Foley – Magician

Q: Have you heard the one about the magic tractor?

A: It went down the road and turned into a field!

2. Emma Slowe – Party entertainer

Knock knock

Who’s there

Abby

Abby who

Abby birthday!

3. Mr Balloonatic – Balloon artist

Q: What do vegetarians eat:

A: Vegetables

Q: Ok… So what do humanitarians eat?

4. Silly Sally the Clown

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Europe

(Ed note – I think we’ll leave it there!)

5. Laura Quilty – Face Painter

Q: What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A: A nervous wreck

6. Yvan Zim – Magician

My mom asked me to add ketchup to the shopping list… Now it’s almost impossible to read.

7. Genie Mackers – Entertainers

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A: A gummy bear

8. Carl Campbell – Magician

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Phylis

Phylis who?

Phylis a glass of water please

9. Hamish Urquhart – Magician & PartWizz founder

Q: What’s brown and sticky?

A: A stick

10. Rob Hackett – Magician

Being from Ireland I love summer!! ☀ It’s my favourite day of the year!

10 of the best birthday jokes

Q: What does every birthday end with?

A: The letter Y.

 

Q What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles?

A No cake for me… I’m stuffed!

 

Q: What has wings, a long colorful tail, and wears a bow?

A: A birthday pheasant.

 

‘I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you’.

 

‘I handed my Mum her thirtieth birthday card… she looked at me, with tears in her eyes and said… you know one would have been enough’

 

Q: How do pickles celebrate their birthday?

A: They relish the moment

 

Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?

A: “Happy Birthday To Gnu!”

 

Q: What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?

A: Freeze a jolly good fellow

 

Q: What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake?

A: “Hey, what’s eating you?”

 

Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?

A: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

 

Top 10 Seasonal jokes

 

Q: What is Easter Bunny’s favourite kind of music?

A: Hip-hop, of course!

 

Q: Why was the Easter bunny upset?

A: Because he was having a bad hair day

 

Q: How does a Snowman get to work?

A: By icicle

 

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack?

A: An abdominal snowman

 

Q: What is Santa’s primary language?

A: North Polish.

 

Q: Why are trampolines so popular during April?

A: It’s spring-time.

 

Q: What happened to the fireworks who were arrested on New Year’s Eve?

A: They were let off.

 

Q: What do cows do on December 31st?

A: Celebrate Moo Year’s Eve.

 

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?

A; Because it’s too far to walk!

 

Are any Halloween monsters good at maths?

A: No—unless you Count Dracula!

 

10 Random and ridiculous Jokes

 

Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot

A: A carrot

 

Q: Why did the cookie cry?

A: Because his mother was a wafer so long!

 

Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A:  Doyouthinkhesaurus

 

Q: Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar?

A: He got twelve months.

 

Q: Why could the lifeguard not save the hippie

A: Because he was too far out man!

 

Q: Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge?

A: Tequila!!

 

Q: Why do Seagulls fly over the sea?

A: Because, if they flew over the bay, they’d be Bagels!

 

Q: Why do vampires believe everything you tell them?

A: Because they’re suckers!

 

Q: Why did the golfer change his pants?

A: Because he got a hole in one!

 

Q: What is blue and not heavy at all?

A: Light blue!

 

10 Slightly Cleverer Jokes!

Q: Did you know that bouncy castles now cost around 100 Euros to hire but with 1000 Euros set up charge?

A: That’s inflation for you

 

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A: I don’t know and I don’t care.

 

Q: Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?

A: He was given two consecutive sentences.

 

So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means? It’s not the end of the world.

 

What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.

 

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.

 

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.

 

The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old.

 

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

 

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

 

That’s all for now folks!

That’s a wrap! We hope you enjoyed these silly jokes, and that you will enjoy re-telling them even more. If you’ve enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our newsletter.