Handling Sibling Tagalong Conflicts

If you’re a parent with two kids, or if you have neighbours with two kids, you’ve most likely encountered the issue of siblings tagging along. This usually happens when the younger child wants to join in with the older group. Most of the time it isn’t a problem, but it can also lead to conflicts and tantrums.

It’s nice to give kids “separate” play times with just their friends. On the other hand, it’s also important to let children play with different age groups and learn how to be inclusive (yet another Parent Paradox…).

Exclusion can be very difficult for young children to handle. When kids aren’t accustomed to “sharing friends” or playing with younger children, they can sometimes be quite harsh to each other.

In this article, we’ve put together a few thoughts on how to make sure your playful afternoons don’t turn into civil wars, and also how to handle sibling tagalongs at parties!

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How to handle sibling tagalong at home

Balancing the amount of time siblings spend together versus separately is a very complex topic, which we won’t get into here.

Instead, we’re just looking at solutions for when the tagalong is prone to conflicts. Even then, there is no universal solution as no two kids are the same!

1 – Know your kid’s limits

To prevent conflicts, avoid the activities you think might lead to tears. You can either avoid them entirely or alternate the activities for “the older kids” with activities that everyone can play. When you sense the kids are getting tired, switch to more relaxing activities.

As always, this is often easier said than done. If your kids get along well when they’re just the two of them, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will when other kids are around. The dynamic changes entirely.

It also means you (or an adult) need to supervise the game. This is fine for birthday parties but not as practical for everyday “run around” games.

This solution also presupposes the kids can hold a “truce” for the duration of the game. If a conflict is likely to arise as soon as the game starts, you may want to consider another option.

2 – Set the rules beforehand

Changing the dynamics of a play relationship can be challenging, especially if the game is already underway.

Instead, if the activities are planned ahead of time, decide which ones your youngest child will participate in and which ones are for the “older kids”.

For example, if you’re hosting a birthday party, include the youngest child in the main activity. Then, when it’s over, give the older kids some time to play on their own.

Don’t make this a “separation.” Use the opportunity for a one-on-one activity with your youngest child. They will likely be tired by this point, so you can keep it simple.

3 – Give an older child an “organiser” role

If one of your childen has friends over, why not ask the other to get involved in the planning? For example, ask him or her to help make dinner with you. Make it something special.

In most cases, it’s the younger sibling who tags along with the older kids. However, the reverse is also possible. This solution will also work with that configuration.

4 – Find another activity for your younger child

Find something else for your younger child to do while your other child spends time with his or her friends.

This should be done in a way that doesn’t make your younger child feel he or she is being excluded. It should be a win-win situation for everyone.

If you have more than one child, one-on-one time with each of them can be rare. So, make it special and enjoy the quality time together.

5 – Invite another kid of the same age

When your older child has friends over, inviting a friend for your younger child can be a great solution. This way, both children have someone to play with, reducing feelings of jealousy or exclusion. It also helps to keep them both occupied and less likely to interrupt each other’s playtime.

When inviting another child over, ensure that they get along well with your younger child and share similar interests. This can make the playdate more enjoyable for everyone involved. Set up activities that both pairs of children can enjoy separately or together, depending on their preferences.

In some cases, having another child around can also help the younger sibling feel more comfortable joining in group activities with the older kids. It can be a way to bridge the gap between age groups and encourage more inclusive play.

6 – Organise your play dates

If organising is your thing, then planning your play dates in a structured manner can help ensure that both siblings have their own time with friends and time to bond with each other. Create a schedule that balances individual playdates with joint activities, allowing each child to enjoy quality time with their peers and their siblings.

How to handle guest tagalongs at parties

Here is the scenario: You’re planning a kid’s birthday, and the day before the party another parent asks if their youngest can also come…

Now you need to add a seat, make sure there is enough food, and double-check if he or she can join in the activities as well. Additional stress!

Another common situation is when your child has a friend who lives nearby, and every time they are invited, they bring along their younger sibling. This can also be tricky to deal with, especially if there are no other kids in the area of a similar age.

Finally, another type of uninvited guest may be the tagalong parent! This is when you expect parents to drop off their kids and come back to pick them up, but they end up staying for the party.

Here are some suggestions for handling any or all of the above:

1 – Talk to the other parents

Generally, if the age range is close, it shouldn’t be an issue. But if it really doesn’t fit in with your planning, say so. Communication is key to setting expectations and avoiding misunderstandings. For example, if you’re planning a sleepover and only have three beds, adding an extra guest just isn’t possible. Explain the situation kindly but firmly. Most parents will understand and appreciate your honesty.

2 – Talk to the entertainer or activity centre

If you’re planning a party and you’ve booked an entertainer or an activity centre, don’t be afraid to call them and tell them you’re If you’re planning a party and you’ve booked an entertainer or an activity centre, don’t hesitate to call them and inform them about the additional, younger guest. Usually, it’s fine and it gives them time to plan accordingly.

For example, if you’re hosting a magic show, the entertainer might be able to tailor parts of their performance to be more inclusive of different age groups. Similarly, an activity centre might have specific areas or activities better suited for younger children. By informing them ahead of time, you ensure that everyone has a great time.

3 – Plan on getting a few extra accessories

It’s always a good idea to get a few extra accessories and party bags in case of unexpected extras. This avoids the embarrassment of someone having to miss out. Having a few additional small gifts, treats, or even extra chairs can make a big difference. You can prepare generic party bags that can be quickly customised with the child’s name. This simple preparation step can save you a lot of stress and ensure that every child feels included and valued.

4 – Always cater for a few more than expected

Prepare a little extra food than you think you will need. And for those tagalong parents, a bottle of wine or two may come in very Prepare a little extra food than you think you will need. This not only ensures that all the kids have enough to eat but also caters to unexpected guests, including those tagalong parents. You might also consider having some easy-to-prepare, kid-friendly snacks on standby, such as fruit, chips, or simple sandwiches. And for those tagalong parents, a bottle of wine or two may come in very handy! Offering refreshments for adults can make them feel more comfortable and appreciated if they decide to stay.

We hope these ideas will help you sort through your tagalong conflicts. Remember, there is no universal solution. Each child is different, and each situation requires a unique approach. Flexibility, communication, and a bit of extra preparation can go a long way in ensuring everyone has a good time, and that your party runs smoothly.